Three

It's number three!

Chapter Three

 

 

 

I pry my eyelids, using every bit of sheer will power left in me to do so. I couldn’t move my head so I used sense of touch. I could feel glass, broken and shattered under my head. I could also feel the unmistakable wetness of blood through my fingers.

 Shuddering at the thought of it being mine and instantly regretted doing so because that small movement sent every one of my pain neurons into hyper drive.

 I gasped through the pain, closing my eyes, praying for the pain to stop.

Days…hours…or maybe just a few seconds later the pain ebbed enough for me to open my eyes again.

 Looking up-or what I think is at least up-it’s dark, pitch black except for the faint glow of the full moon scarred from the tree branches above in the window.

 I’m slow to realize that this bus was not equipped with skylights; I was staring at the other side of the bus.

I was fighting with myself, trying to decide on whether to stand up and get out or just let the darkness take over again when I heard a hellish hissing sound before my world blew up.

 

BOOM!

 

The metal underneath me vibrates with the explosion, I didn’t even have the strength to shield my face when orange highlighted the inside of the bus. The color snaked back and forth, making shadows dance on the walls.

 I could see that I was between the bus benches, lying on the opposite side of where I used to be. I could also see a limp arm hanging over the bench above me.

 I didn’t dare look any further to see who the arm belonged to, instead I turned my head away ignoring the pain and cried.

 “Help.” I tried calling out, but my voice had nothing to it and the tears didn’t help any.

 “Help me.” I begged. “Somebody please help me!”

I didn’t to die like this. I didn’t want to die at all.

I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want Kat to be here.

Oh, God please don’t let Kat be here. I prayed. If it was to late for me then so be it, but let Kat be all right.

 Between the fire hissing and me coughing from the fumes part of my brain was aware of the shouting outside while the other part took notice of my sore and broken body. Willing me to surrender back to the darkness and I almost gave in if it wasn’t for the voice from heaven.

“Hello!”

 Okay so it wasn’t God nor did it come from Heaven but I didn’t care because it was the best thing I could of ever heard before I died.

 Kat’s voice.

Her head popped up from one of the back windows of the bus. She tried pulling herself on top of the over turned bus and I saw arms trying to pull her back down followed by more shouting.

 Good. I thought Get her away from here.

But knowing Kat it didn’t end up that way.

 “Shut up!” She screamed at somebody down on the ground. “Someone is still alive.” Kat surprised me by kicking out and shattering the window she stood at.

 The flames lashed out and I started to feel their unforgiving heat.

Kat coughed as smoke passed through her window, I saw her stand back before she kicked again, shattering the second window so she could fit through them.

 “Hello!” She yelled before backing back out, coughing from the smoke.

A second explosion hit not as strong like the first but enough to shake Kat off her feet and send the flames burning into my skin.

I cried out again.

 I heard a soft thud but didn’t open my eyes to see what it was.

I was done. Finished. I didn’t have the strength to fight anymore.

 “Oh my God.” I heard a whisper. “Oh my God, Jackie!” I felt Kat beside me, but I couldn’t even say goodbye. I was too far gone.

 I felt something behind my head then my knees, pain slashed every bit of my body.

 “I’m sorry.” Kat said quickly. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Then I was falling again.

 No, not falling. I was floating.

“Don’t you dare give up on me, Jackie!” I heard Kat encourage but it was distant and easily ignored.

 There was a metal ding over and over and over again.

I tried to reach over and turn the alarm clock off but my bed covers kept me imprisoned.

 “Damn!” Another ding, then a harsh cough. “Somebody get us out of this damn bus!”

 I groaned. Could someone please shut up. I was trying to enjoy some extra hours of sleep.

 “Jackie, just hold on! You hear me? Just hold-” She was cut off by the hair raising sound of metal protesting against rusty hinges.

 “Oh, thank God.” Kat whispered.

“Here give her to me.” Someone said urgently. “We need to go and go now!”

 My body bounced and the arms around me tighten to help anyway they could as we ran.

 Then came the third explosion.

　

　

　

Author's Note

please tell me if i made any mistakes!
thanks!

Also, I wasn't sure if this would fit right at the end but i'll post it any way.
It was originaly at the end of this chapter.


Love hath no power
Against the flames of Hell.
To which we hold and yet we fail.

--Unknown

(by unknown i mean me) :)

Reviews

[Dark Rider]

So much action! I love it.

[Daydreamer54]

I didn’t to die like this.-didn't want
Ilike your rhyme!! Very poetic, yet I don't see how it goes in with the chapter.
Also the part where Kat told Jackie not to doie on her was too histrionic for my taste and cliche, but other than that, I like your details! ^^

[Tina Kline]

A very compelling and gripping story. The tension and suspense build up nicely. An excellent read.

[Wren]

Another amazing chapter that sucked me in right away. Only one mistake, "I didn’t to die like this." needs a want in there:)

[Savannah Marie 9]

SWEETNESS!

[JRB]

nice write keep up the writes

[Tai Ryens]

Nice chapter to add. Again, I'm just letting you know, it's a bit too fast paced in my opinion. You did amazing at detailing, given that you described the whole scene in less that 4 lines, but you could extend it a little, add in the smaller details. For example, when explosions come, you could say that "I heard the metal shrapnel zip past me and collide with another piece of metal, making a sharp screech" or "I could feel my flesh warming up as the flames inched towards me, not a pleasant feeling, not at all. Sweat poured down my face rapidly as I grew even more quenched for thirst." Get my examples?
Anyways, you did an amazing job here, and I don't think I spotted much mistakes. Have a great day, and wonderful piece of writing here!

[~ Stefanie ~]

Great continuation to your story with this chapter! Your ending definitely builds suspense as others have noted and I think you are heading in a great direction. Great job!

[WinterIce<3]

LOVE it the end builds suspense

[Team_Jaward_Gale]

I didnt find any mistakes but then again im not a very good proof reader and the ending is nice because it builds suspence in a persons mind. And the original ending was great too great job once again