Shameless Chapter Eighteen

My mother hasn't spoken to me all weekend, and for that, I am grateful. But by Monday morning, I'm wondering what game she is playing now.

"Why are you so damn quiet, all of the sudden?" I growl, throwing my textbooks in my shredded backpack. She doesn't look at me, just continues to chop the carrot in clean even lines. After a minute, her pink glossed lips finally move, "You needed time." She set the knife down and looked at me, but I kept my eye on the blade. I knew what this monster was capable of. "I made mistakes, Clara. And I'm sorry."

I zip up my backpack, and staring straight into her eyes, I say, "Apologizing isn't going to reverse me."

* * *

The neighborhood smells of dewy grass and rain. I look up at the cloudy sky, my eyes glued to a particular cloud. "Clara?" I look down to see Jonah Richards standing about a yard away, his ice blue eyes staring daggers into my soul. "Hi, Jonah."

He strolls over to me, and looks right into my eyes, "Did everything go okay?" I swallow, and look down at my sneakers, "As well as they could go, I guess."

Jonah lets out a sigh, and a look of concern creases his dark eyebrows. "Clara, she is your mother."

I look away, and start walking, only to have him follow me, "You don't understand. Its much more than her just abandoning me..."

Jonah puts a hand on my shoulder and stares right into my eyes again, making me feel eerily exposed, "Then let me understand."

My mouth opens and closes, but no sound comes out. I just stand there, hypnotized. Finally, I get ahold of myself, and I step away from him, "I'm sorry...I just...I can't."

I see hurt in his eyes, but I have to ignore it. I did what I needed to do, I could never tell him.

* * *

"Daniel?! What...what are you doing here?" I whisper-shout. He rolls his eyes, "I have to go to school, too, Clara."

I swallow, "Oh."

Daniel smiles, a sideways grin that shows a dimple in his cheek. "Yeah, just like old times, huh, Clare?"

I shake my head, anger sweeping over me, "No. Not at all."

Daniel rests a hand on my shoulder and I am blown with another flash of Jonah's hand resting on the exact same spot, "Damn! Lighten up, girl! I was just kidding!"

I pull away from him, and spin in my locker combination. I can feel Daniel still watching me, his eyes studying me from head to toe.

Suddenly, he taps my shoulder, "Hey, what's with Big Eyes over there?"

I turn my head, and through the thick crowd of halls, I catch sight of Jonah staring straight at me, his eyes wide. I look down, then glance back over to the same spot, but he is gone.

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