Chapter 8

Although my time had been stopped I was still a few minutes late getting to school. It was probably because of my daydreaming mind. The way Phoenix held me put me in a sort of floating mood. The events from the morning were still replaying in my mind.  Jo and I barely made it to first hour she and I were the last into our class. Luckily our table was still open. She led me to the black desk and we both slunk into the seats. I could see from her expression that something else was on her mind�"perhaps some boy. She spread her English book across the table and started organizing everything. Jo was the kind of person that had to have every single paper organized in order for her to concentrate. She pulled her dark hair behind her ears and tried to focus on the cleanliness of her area. I opened up my book to the page Mr. Ashbee had written on the board and pulled out a new piece of paper.

I quickly started jotting down the notes there were already written on the board. It was only a few moments before I felt eyes on the back of my head. That’s when I remember�"Phoenix was in this class. Slowly I turned around and caught him smiling up at me. His pale hand rested on his thigh underneath his table. I slight wave came from three of his fingers. I barely caught the motion. With as little movement as possible I lifted my three middle fingers of the back of my chair in the same little wave as him. A crooked smile crossed his face and his cheeks flushed red.

“Mr. Hanks is there something you’d like to share with the class.” My head whipped around and I stared up at Mr. Ashbee with a deer-in-the-headlights look. This was the first time my name had ever been called negatively�"ever. I felt my jaw slowly dropped as I tried to explain myself. I couldn’t lie, at least not to a teacher. All the saliva in my mouth seemed to disappear in one single instant. I could feel every single eye in the room staring at me, waiting.

“I was telling him he had something on the back of his shirt.” Phoenix spoke smoothly from the back of the room. I turned around and saw that he was still leaning back in his chair. “He got it though, so no worries.” Mr. Ashbee nodded and Phoenix and spun on his heels back towards the front of the class. His lecture continued but I didn’t hear it. Inside my chest my heart was pounding. The sound took over every other sound in the room. Tightly my fingers gripped the desk in front of me.

Jo caught the tense state and she looked up at me, “are you really that scared of getting in trouble?” She laughed and I glared down at her.

At some point in class my body stopped trembling and I finally leaned back in my chair. I had always been taught to respect elders and teachers. When I did something wrong I felt awful. That’s why I didn’t look behind me for the rest of class�"that’s also why I didn’t look behind me for the rest of the day.

Jo took me out to lunch. My feet quickly carried me across the quad and to her car. “What’s the rush Coll, it’s not like we’ll miss the food or anything.” She snorted a laugh behind me. My feet still picked up speed against the concrete. I leapt into her car and sat impatiently, tapping my foot against the car floor. She slid in and put her bag in the bag of the nice car. She closed the door and stared pulling out her keys.

I practically yelled, “Could you go any slower, Jo?”

She opened her mouth. “Excuse me young man. What did you just say? Because I thought I heard a little attitude coming from your mouth.” She glared down her thin nose at me. “One more word out of the snippy little mouth of yours and you’re eating pavement�"got that bud?” She pursed her lips together and looked fiercely into my eyes. At the same time she and I both busted up laughing. I loved Jo.

She finally started the car, still laughing, and pulled away from the curb. “Why are you in such a hurry anyways?” Truthfully I had no idea. It was the thought of Phoenix that was scaring me now. Everything that he was�"everything that I was turning into�"was wrong. How would be able act if they found out about him? What if they found out about him and me? I couldn’t handle this right now. Not with my dad just leaving and school and just everything. All the bad things seemed to start piling up on top of me. I was beginning to suffocate.

Luckily Jo started talking. “So Ryder,” she started and I could see the young school girl look cross over her face. “Did you see the way he caught me inches from the ground.” A large bright smile crossed her lovely face. She gripped the steering wheel tightly and looked ahead with her bright blue eyes. “When he caught me I felt the butterflies like erupt inside my stomach and I couldn’t get my heart to stop.” I knew exactly what she was talking about.

Usually when she would talk about another guy I could feel the anger and jealously rising inside of me. I seemed to have less of the jealousy. She explained all of her feelings towards Ryder just as I would express mine towards Phoenix. This is when I really became worried. “Think he’s it, Collin.” She sighed and leaned back in her chair. We pulled around the drive-thru of one of our favorite restaurants. She waited behind the long line of cars all out for lunch. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life.” Usually a great sword would have been stabbed through my heart after that sentence. Instead a sword of fear struck my heart. Everything she was describing was exactly how I felt about Phoenix. Could that possibly mean he was the one?

Jo pulled up and ordered our usual. She looked over to me after she had finished speaking. “What’s with you today?” wide-eyed, I looked over at her and smiled.

I attempted at lying, “it’s nothing�"I’m just�"distracted�"or something�".” Her eyebrows crunched together and she looked at me. She knew that I was hiding something�"something big.

“Spit it out, Hanks.”

I pursed my lips together and shook my head violently. She gasped and opened her mouth as wide as I’d ever seen it before. “Oh my gosh, you’ve met someone haven’t you?” She started hitting her steering wheel. “I cannot believe it Collin Hanks actually has found an actual love interest.” I kept my mouth shut. I knew that if I’d open it I’d not only spill the beans on Phoenix but also tell her that she has been the love interest of my whole entire life.

This was the moment where I had to embrace lying. I had no other choice. “I’m just upset about my dad.” I said without a single pause or a single waver of my voice. I guess there was a little bit of truth behind that sentence. I was still rather upset with the situation between my parents. I had no idea where my father or was or how he was doing. I hoped that maybe he would call when he finally settled. Deep in my heart I knew that, that would never happen. He was gone for good; he didn’t care about my mother or me.

Jo became serious. “I’m really sorry about that Collin.” Her hand reached over and she rubbed the top of my arm with her manicured hands. Finally the line of cars left and it was our turn to get our food.  Jo silently took the food and paid for it. She sat all the bags in the median of her car and started to drive off. We both sat silently for a minute.

I opened the bag and looked at the hamburgers inside. I grabbed mine and started un-wrapping it. As I bit into it the familiar taste of ketchup and onions spread across my taste buds. Quietly I looked out the window and watched as the cars whipped by. “Do you think he’ll come back?” Jo finally broke the silence and I could see the school coming into view again.

I shook my head slightly: “No,” I answered truthfully. “Not if there’s a big reason to. Even then, I doubt it.” I sighed and sat the hamburger back on the wrapper. I suddenly lost my appetite. Life wasn’t really going where I needed it to be. What I needed was for school to be officially over. Then I could move away to some other state and get away from all this confusion and pain.

We were silent again until Jo pulled into her usual spot against the curb. She grabbed the bag and her door handle. Just before she got out I whispered, “Can we stay in here today?” she let go of the handle and it snapped back into place.

Together we ate lunch silently. We both had a lot of things to think about. Occasionally Jo would interrupt the silence to tell me something she loved about Ryder. I would continue to inform her that she only knew him one day. She would then inform me that she had met him before he left. As I thought I realized I’d only really known Phoenix for a day. What was I thinking jumping into something so quickly? I didn’t have to be with Phoenix. This all was my choice�"right?