Chapter 12

The sun began to set behind the Mustang and I began to realize that we were going to be late. I didn’t care, Phoenix was finally bearing his soul to me. “I found out when I was about thirteen.” Tears were still streaming down his face. His hand was laced with mine on top of my thigh. His gaze was straight to the dashboard�"he couldn’t look at me. “I realized then that I had feelings for other boys.” He shrugged, “of course I never told anyone. That would be the biggest mistake of my life. Plus I was only thirteen what I was feeling could’ve just been puberty or something.”

With his opposite hand he wiped some tears from his face. I felt my eyebrows mush together to form a sympathetic expression. “I pushed the feelings away for years. It wasn’t until ninth grade when you walked into that classroom that I knew I couldn’t hide it any longer.” He smiled as the memories once again played through his mind.

I remembered that year also. It was my first year of high school and everything was going to change. It seemed that at the beginning of every year something was going to change. Nothing ever did change though. I continued to go throughout life the lifeless pushover who every takes advantage of. That’s what I was since the beginning of time�"it’s what I was destined to be.

That year was the first year Jo and I had to have separate classes. That first class was one where I was all alone. Sure I knew people from middle school, but no one was like Jo. She was always there for me and knew exactly what I needed at that time. School would be hard without her by my side 24/7. Mr. Marley’s class was the first science class of my high school career. I walked in and sat down in the front desk. From the day forth Phoenix planned on making my life a living hell. Little did I know, he actually wanted in my pants.

A smile spread across my face as I thought about all he and I had been through. Like on class during our sophomore year we were paired in our badminton lesson. I was so uncoordinated that we lost every round. Usually Phoenix would get mad and end up throwing something around. Instead after our last match he started laughing. The other team left and ran off to the locker room. Phoenix grabbed my racket and through his laughter said: “You really are bad aren’t you.”

I smiled up at him, “I wasn’t kidding.”

That was the longest conversation he and I had, had since elementary school. Now I was holding his hand and listening to all of his problems. “When I told my dad he told me I had to either keep it a secret or be kicked out of my house.” He sniffed and pinched his hand around mine. “My mother tried to hide it but I could tell that she was also disappointed. Since then she’s accepted it and has been fully appreciative of me. But that day I told her I could just see all the plans she had for me completely vanish from her mind.”

“then I decided that I needed to tell you. When I did you gave me the strangest look. It was almost the same look that my father gave me�"disgust.”

“No,” I whispered then smiled, “That would be my shocked face.” I recreated the face and Phoenix laughed. He thumb stroked one of my fingers and leaned his shoulder in closer to me.

“It’s not easy for me�"and it won’t be.” I said and lowered my head to our intertwined hands. “I haven’t had as long to think about it as you have. Right now I’m just going with what my heart is telling me.” Again a smile spread across my face. “I mean, you do realize I’m in love with Jo lee right?”

Phoenix laughed and leaned his head back. The tears weren’t streaming as fast from his eyes anymore. “I think a brain-dead jelly fish could have figured that one out.” We both shared a good chuckle for a few minutes and then he stated: “I think you’re in love with the idea of Jo Lee Summers.”

His brow lifted and he turned towards me. “She would make the perfect wife for anyone: with her kindness, compassion, and flawless beauty. I don’t think that you are actually in love with Jo Lee Summers the person. Sure she’s your best friend and you confide in her for everything, but what do you actually know about her? Where as you know almost everything about me. You’ve had to learn to like me and not have it just come naturally. You have to work for love, Collin.”

In that moment I realized exactly what my parents were missing. They had both just given up on each other. Neither of them put any sort of effort into trying to make their marriage stronger. Phoenix was right; I was in love with the idea of Jo Lee summers. I didn’t see her as a person. Instead, I saw her as what the perfect life was supposed to be. You go to high school, you go to college, you get married to a perfect woman, you have children, you raise money for those children, and so they can find their fake happiness and start on the vicious cycle again.

Everything was different with Phoenix. Together he and I would have to work to stay together. We would have to strive to work things out with not only each other but with others as well. People wouldn’t automatically accept us or our lifestyle but we would have to prove that love conquers all.

We both sat silently for a moment. “Alright,” I said and I squared my shoulders. My whole body turned in the seat and I looked at Phoenix. “We’ll give this a shot.” My lips pursed together and I stared deep into his lovely eyes. They flicked back and forth across my face gauging my mood. He couldn’t actually tell if I was serious or not. I nodded and took a deep breath through my nostrils. “I’m willing to get over myself so we can try this out.”

The brightest smile I’d ever seen on a person spread across Phoenix’s face. His hand that was laced with mine rose up to my face and his fingers stroked the bottom of my jaw. Lightly his lips pressed into mine. Well this was it, the beginning of a life I never even planned on having; A life that would take me on a journey to great happiness. 

Author's Note

Enjoy it.

Reviews

[Shayne Plunk]

Fantastic chapter! I love the explanation of love you gave toward the end. That love has to be worked on, not handed to us. When its handed to us, its what we wish life could be like, but never what we get. Not without the work and effort, anyway. ^^