Noises

Noises of loneliness

Thunder outside.
Pick up, (gun)
Pick up, (ammo clip)
Shove it in gun
Click-Clack.
Loaded.
Rain washin the ground,
Pain gettin me down,
A last letter written,
Time has come,
I'm completly beaten.
Bang.

Reviews

[RiverRei]

I love using rain in poems. I tend to use it as an idea of washing away sin, guilt, etc, but this is different and I find it refreshing. This is lovely. Well, not the death part of it, but you described it all very well. It's as if I were the one picking up the gun. loading it, and shooting myself with it. Great poetry. It's a gift, talent, and curse to be able to engross the reader in your work like this. Great job, my friend.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Thank you sooo much :)

[Nadia B.]

From a poetic point of view your poem is genius because the quotes you put plays irony on the rest of what you have written. That the "Noises of loneliness" is the sound of a gun going off. Usually poets write how the rain is last to fall but you write it before you talk of the person falling to the ground. Seems to symbolize well how things happen before we even realize what is really going on. Obviously very sad poem, very dark and ominous. Hope that if this poem is about someone that they find life and reason again by facing each new day, maybe see the rain that washes the ground clean as creating a new start. What is also interesting is that you make the reader believe the person in the poem takes their own life but when i read it again I notice you never write that anyone or anything has been shot. If I had not first read some of your other poems I would have read this as a hunters journal entry. Loneliness is painful but the scary part is we are never really ever that lonely. The people who suffer when we are gone are always the ones we never paid attention to, the ones that read the letter left behind, and all the lost dreams that could have come true. Thanks for sharing what seems to be a very personal and painful poem, hope for the person healing, and please don't stop writing! (Sometimes writing is the best and only way to get through the loneliness and the pain, to find clarity and strength again.)

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Thank you for reading.