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When Love Dies Young

When Love Dies Young

A Chapter by Dr. YumnaKay
"

Experimental.

"
When love dies young,
like a rose plucked by a curious
kid's stubby fingers, right after 
it bloomed in full sight.

The poet clutches his pen, still,
in a maddening rush, scribbling 
half writ songs with no endings...
the fire crackles quietly in a corner,

and even its heat is not enough
to melt the frost which envelops 
the air; when words are spewed but 
future seems bleak, as sand 

in an hourglass slips by, waiting 
to be upturned, and yet another 
love dies young, while the crowd 
watches in sheer indifference. 


© 2019 Dr. YumnaKay


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Featured Review

I like this Doc. There are many forms of love that can die young...not all are between lovers. I like the idea that we scribble thoughts down quickly...sometimes not understanding what those phrases may become...
I am guilty of this. Sometimes the thought comes in the middle of the night...at times when I am writing something else...sometimes I lose them.
Your experiment works well...one thing though...I understand the hourglass allegory, but my hourglass does not tick. However, I like it and I am not sure how it could be changed...it's good as is.

A good write, Doc.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

9 Months Ago

Ah Ted, thank you so much for pointing out that mistake. Def something over which I deserve the smac.. read more
Ted Kniffen

9 Months Ago

Lovely change, Doc. You found a way to make a beautiful piece shine ever greater. I like it.



Reviews

Great metaphor here, Yumna, all brilliantly clear. The frost that envelops the air. You can almost taste it. :):)

Brilliant writing, even if the subject matter is supposed to be sad.

V

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

9 Months Ago

Thank you so much for the lovely words here, V. I'm glad you appreciate :)
Your words are filled with a weeping, an aching sorrow in love's loss. Two young high school boys from my town were just killed in a car crash, and I couldn't help but think of them... their families and friends.. their love gone forever. We can never know when life and love will slip away, but may we live as poets every single day, finding the deepest places of our souls to speak over us and give us breath.

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

9 Months Ago

Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts here, Craig. Appreciated x
I like this Doc. There are many forms of love that can die young...not all are between lovers. I like the idea that we scribble thoughts down quickly...sometimes not understanding what those phrases may become...
I am guilty of this. Sometimes the thought comes in the middle of the night...at times when I am writing something else...sometimes I lose them.
Your experiment works well...one thing though...I understand the hourglass allegory, but my hourglass does not tick. However, I like it and I am not sure how it could be changed...it's good as is.

A good write, Doc.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

9 Months Ago

Ah Ted, thank you so much for pointing out that mistake. Def something over which I deserve the smac.. read more
Ted Kniffen

9 Months Ago

Lovely change, Doc. You found a way to make a beautiful piece shine ever greater. I like it.
the others watch with indifference...they have seen it too many times...love that dies...and they have attended enough wakes and funerals of relationships...
unfortunately the poet gets no real closure and simply writes and writes trying to find some ending.
i love the line "half-writ songs with no endings" not only for the image...but "writ" being a slang form of write or written which enhances the idea of the half poems...the word is not complete, nor is the thought.
j.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Months Ago


Dr. YumnaKay

9 Months Ago

I like how you took the meaning of that word. I was mainly going with the flow while writing that li.. read more
I sometimes wonder if the crowd has mushroomed to such a volume, that indifference is now the norm
Yes, still many partly written poems and songs looking for endings.
Is that also a norm?

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

9 Months Ago

I like to think that indifference is a way of living, or rather survival. We're rarely affected by a.. read more
Hi, This is such a profound piece. One can actually feel the emotion of love cut short way too soon. Good writing, well done :)
Take care and stay blessed..

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Dr. YumnaKay

9 Months Ago

Thank you so much for the lovely review. I'm glad you appreciate. :)

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Added on February 26, 2019
Last Updated on February 28, 2019

Experimental Poetry


Author

Dr. YumnaKay
Dr. YumnaKay

Pakistan



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