Chapter 36- Re-Align

I lost my train of thought as someone knocked on the door. 'Come on in, Ravez!' I hollered and put my best smile on.
The door creaked open and Nick stepped through the door. 'Just me,' he waved and gave a small smile. 'I need to talk to you, Alice.' He shut the door behind him and walked over to the bed where I was. My heart jumped into my throat which made it difficult to talk. He stared at me a moment before starting, 'Did you really have sex with Eli?'
All I could do was nod and look down.
'Why didn't you tell me?'
'I didn't think you'd like me after that,' I mumbled.
He shook his head, 'You told me that you had told me everything which made me feel guilty about hiding the truth of Kristin from you. I thought we had everything out in the open and then when I heard it from Eli..'
I looked up, 'You were gonna have to tell me anyways. Telling you what I did would just hurt you in the end.'
'The point is, is that you lied to me. Now you're saying that it was okay.'
'I didn't say it was okay, I'm saying I had good reason not to tell you.'
'You didn't wanna tell me because you were ashamed of it, not because you wanted to spare my feelings,' he looked disappointed which just pissed me off more.
'Does that mean you're not ashamed of killing your girlfriend? Hm? Cuz you told me about her. What is worse is that you expected me to be okay with it.'
His eyebrows furrowed, 'I didn't expect you to be okay with it. I expected you to accept me for who I am and be proud of the fact I had enough balls to tell you something I've never told anyone else before. Because I thought that you liked me enough to forgive my past.'
'How can someone accept the fact that someone they like killed their last girlfriend? That's really gonna tempt me to be with you more.'
'I didn't f*****g kill her. And at least I was confident enough to tell you. You had to hide behind a bunch of lies. You probably never would have told me if Eli hadn't been so proud he got there first.'
I scoffed and stood up, 'You are not going to come into the house I invited you in and treat me like I'm some lying, conniving b***h. I didn't tell you that I had sex with him because one: he's my brother and that's so fucked up, two: you didn't like him in the first place, and three: because I like you too much to hurt you. In fact, I like you so much that I think I l...' I stopped before it went to far.
He shot his head in my direction, 'What?'
'Nothing,' I said as bitterly as possible.
'No,' he stood up. 'You were about to say something..'
'It was noth-' I began but he cut my off with a kiss. A kiss to the mouth for once. He killed his girlfriend, he killed his girlfriend, he killed his girlfriend, I thought repeatedly trying to get myself not to enjoy every second as if it was my last. Obviously I failed. Almost immediately I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed back. It felt so perfect, like our lips were molded perfectly to match each others. I felt as if my knees were about to buckle but I knew he would catch me if they did.
I wanted this moment to last forever but of course it couldn't. After what felt like only a second of kissing him, he pulled away and rested his forehead on mine. 'I'm in love with you, Alice,' he whispered. I stopped breathing and looked up at him but he took a step back. 'I'm in love with you and I don't know what to do about it.'
Just then, Raven walked in, 'You know, Alice. I was thinking, the next time my parents try to grou-' she stopped talking and walking as she took in Nick and I. 'Oh, am I interrupting something?'
Nick shook his head, 'Nope, just talking.'
Raven looked at me and pointed at the door behind her, 'Should I go?'
'No, that's okay. He needs to take a shower next, anyways,' I glanced in Nick's direction.
He scratched the back of his head and turned towards the door, 'Yeah, I should... Um, I have nothing to wear.' He turned around when he got to the doorway.
I shook my head to focus, 'Oh, yeah. Here,' I walked past Raven and him towards Eli's room. 'You and James can borrow some of Eli's old clothes. I'll explain it to him later if he asks.' Nick followed me into Eli's room and waited while I found them some. I threw a pair of sweats and a T-shirt at him. 'Here, we can go shopping for more clothes for y'all tomorrow.'
'Thanks,' he mumbled before leaving.
I found some more sweats and another T-shirt for James. After retrieving some of my sleepwear for Nadia and Kitty, I went into my mom's- their room. 'Here, you guys. We'll go shopping for clothes tomorrow since y'all have nothing to wear.' We said our goodnight's and I went to my room. 'Hey, Ravez.'
I shut the door behind me and we both sat down on my bed. 'Hey, what was that all about?' she asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
I felt myself flush, 'I'll tell you when everyone has gone to bed. I can't risk him walking in while I'm saying something he shouldn't hear.'
Her face softened and she smiled, 'Aww, you got it bad for him, don't you?'
I pushed her shoulder and laughed. 'So, what's been going on since I've been gone?' We gossiped about senseless things until Nick came in from his shower.
'Um,' he looked at us both when he caught us red-handed talking about Austin disappearing. We both looked at him, waiting to talk. 'Uh.. If you want I'll sleep on the couch, while y'all have this room.' The thought of Eli walking in possibly drunk or high and seeing a vulnerable chance to get back at Nick made me jump to my feet.
'No, no. We'll just go out there and finish talking.' I looked at Raven and motioned her towards the door with my eyes. 'You can go ahead and go to bed. There's blankets and extra pillows in the hall closet.'
With that, Raven and I walked out into the living room. After my bedroom light went off I let myself relax. The whole house was dead except for Ravez and I. 'Okay, now.. Here goes anything.' I explained to her everything that happened throughout the course of six days. I told her about Eli's feeling towards me and how long he's had them. I left out the abuse part. I even told her about what happened with my mom and what I did after that caused me to go to the Centers. The parts that Nick was in I talked slow and dream-like which she smiled and pointed out.
When I was done I took a huge breath that I didn't know I'd been holding. She looked a me a moment, her eyes narrow, 'When you say you told Nick everything, does that mean you told him about your Uncle Brent..?'
My stomach knotted up at the mention of him. 'No... do you think I should? He's told me everything which is starting to make me feel guilty about holding that back.'
'Didn't you not mention about you and Eli?' She looked like she was in pain everytime she said his name.
'Yeah, but what he said in my room earlier just made me feel even more guilty. So.. I'm starting to think maybe I should?'
She shrugged her shoulders, 'That's completely up to you whether you tell him or not.'
I nodded slowly and yawned. 'Maybe we should head to bed. I'm beat.'
She yawned as well, 'Yeah, I guess.' We went to my room and climbed into bed. Just as I was about to fall asleep, Raven spoke in a whisper. 'Alice?'
'Yeah?' I mumbled.
'Do you love him?' she was almost asleep. I glanced over at Nick, who lay against the bed on the floor, breathing softly. I thought about how much I didn't want our kiss to end and about all the times I spent with him just simply talking.
'I do love him.'