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Responding to an angry outburst from my abuser was a lose-lose situation for me. If I responded with anger, no matter how mildly, he would tell me I was crazy, insane, or unbalanced. If I tried to stay calm and not react at all, he would say 'Look at you acting all self-righteous and arrogant like you're the boss.' An abuser wants one response only - your absolute and total submission to them.