Why is Everything So Hard?-Chapter 5- November 18th, 12:30 PM

A Chapter by John Duprey

Three more classes until I get out of this hell hole. Same routine as the first five classes, sit in the back and wait until the class is over. The last class of the day I have with Jamie and we have assigned seats, we get to sit together thankfully, but we are right in the middle of the room, but I don’t like that because I hate being in the center of things. I am usually in an okay mood most of the time, but I am really down today. I don’t want Jamie to know what is going on because I know he will try and push to me to tell someone, and I don’t want to do that.

I am always there before Jamie because he has a class upstairs so it takes him more time to get downstairs again. I try not to look depressed, but it’s really hard to smile and be positive. He walks in. I gasp. I try not to grab his attention and keep to myself. He sits down besides, I don’t speak.

“Hey bud, how’s it going?” he asks me.

“Been okay I suppose, you?” I give him a straight answer, trying not to give him any suspicion that something could be wrong.

“Doing good so far, it has been a good day”

"Glad it has been for you," I mumble under my breath.

“What’s that?”

“Nothing, nothing!” I was quick to respond.

“O-kay” he tells me.

We don’t really speak much throughout the class, I have too much on my mind to think about things to talk about with Jamie.

“Hey” he interprets all of a sudden, “where were you at lunch today?”

“Umm...” My mind races and I try to think of an excuse that he would think I would say. “I stayed after class to take a quiz that I missed last week.” I blurted out something. It was legible.

“Oh, okay.”

He believed me thank goodness. I try my very best to act normal, but soon nothing will be normal because I won’t be here. I will feel bad for my parents and friends and everyone who cares about me, but I will no longer be suffering. I don’t even want to hear the words, “it will get better, chin up or don’t do this to yourself, and it’s not the solution.” Well, a few words for those people is, it’s better to commit suicide than live a life of pain and suffering.

Finally! The bell rang, which means the day is over. All I want to do is walk to my work and make an excuse why I can’t work there anymore. I sigh. I put my hood up again and just start walking and waiting for when the next attack or the next name is going to come from and who. I feel bad telling Joe that I need to get done after one night. I feel like this last twenty hours have been a blur and has felt so much longer than it really has.

I walk for about ten minutes until I reach the store, I hope I don’t get noticed. I walk through the sliding doors and into the store. I notice Joe bagging for someone, I don’t know who it is, and it is someone who I haven’t met yet. He notices me.

“Hi Kyle” he smiles. I like when he smiles, he always has a nice big and generous smile. “You don’t have to work tonight, is there something I can do for you?”

“Ummm...Yes. Can I talk to you in your office?”

“Of course, is everything okay?” He asks me.

“I will tell you.”

I follow him to his office and shut the door.

“Okay, what would you like to talk about?” he asks me.

“I don’t know how to tell you, but I don’t think this job is going to work out for me.” I softly say to him.

“Why not?” he asks me curiously.

“I can just tell because I couldn’t get all of my homework done for today and I feel if I keep doing it, I will get behind in school and my grades will slowly slope down. I’m sorry.”

“Is there any way we can work around your schedule because I feel like you could be a very good asset to this checkout and this store, what about weekends?”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think it could work, I thought it could work at first, but my mom depends on my grades.

“I understand, are you sure you would like to get done?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.” I tell him in a very sorrow tone.

“Thank you, Kyle for letting me know. I hope your schooling goes well and I hope to see you around.” he tells me.

“Thank you.” I walk out of his office and walk out of the store.

I instantly put my hood up and my headphones in and start to walk home. As I start to cross the street I look up and see a big truck hauling a*s coming towards me. I quickly jump out of the way to avoid it. What the f**k I think to myself. The truck slams on it’s brakes and the driver door swings open. I just stand there shaking.

Jake! The muscular jock jumps out of the truck and comes running over to me.

“That’s it you f****t! You face is going to meet my fist!” He yells at me. I stand frozen, I don’t know what to do, and I feel so weak. He shoves me. I try to throw a punch to try and defend myself someone how. I miss. My sweaty palms are trembling and I try so hard not to get punched in the face. Jake throws a quick jab but I somehow miss it and throw a weak punch to Jake’s stomach. All of a sudden I notice the other two doors of the truck open and I see David and Rick, Jake’s two other gang members. They rush over to defend Jake and start throwing punches at me. I can’t fend off three big jocks. I just let it happen. They punch me and kick me to the ground and then they keep kicking me and kicking me in the rib cage, it hurts so badly.

“Don’t mess with us you little queer bag!” David yells at me. They quickly jump into his truck and speed off. I just lay on the ground for a minute. Everything hurts. Why can’t anyone see me and help me?

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