Recovery Has It's Ups and Downs- Chapter 14- February 2nd, 3 PM

After opening up to his mom, Kyle knows what he needs to do to recover, but he still isn't sure about his future, or life.

            Later that day, my mom comes back and tells me that she talked to the doctor. She doesn't tell me the news that I wanted to hear. “The doctor says that you'll have to go to the clinic if the test trial at home doesn't go well.” She tells me.

            “What do you mean?” I ask her in a surprise. “I assumed it was my decision.”

            “This is partly your decision, Kyle. Your wish was not to go to the clinic because you didn't want to, but we are going to let you have home care. If it doesn't work out at home, you're no longer going to have the decision and the doctors will put you in the clinic.”

            I was glad that my mom convinced the doctors to let me stay at home for treatment, I hope I don't mess this up. I nod my head in agreement.

            I wake up the next day with a new mind and a new outlook on life. This whole journey has really woken me up, and I never realized how sensitive of a person I really am. I woke up next to my mom sitting by my side like she has been the last few days that I have been awake. She told me that a lot of family members are coming today for my release. To be honest, I'm a little worried of some of my family coming because I don’t know how they are going to react to my attempted suicide, and the last thing I need is a lecture.

            “Your grandmother is coming soon, Kyle.” My mom tells me. Oh, lovely. Of course she is. My grandmother is strict, and old-fashioned, she criticizes just about everything I do. I hope she doesn't do it this time because it is the last thing I need right now.

            “Oh, hi, mom!” My mom says in the background to my grandmother. Oh great, here we go. I sound like I don't like my grandmother, but I really do love her, but I don't like her ways sometimes.

            “Hi” I say to her.

            “Hi Kyle,” she smiles. “How are you feeling?”

            “I'm okay, I'm getting better,” I told her.

            “That’s good,” she tells me. “So,” she starts. Oh boy, here we go I thought to myself. “What made you do this, did you think it was going to solve anything?” She started to raise her voice.

            “Please, no” I tell her, tears starting to form in my eyes.

            “It never solves anything!”

            “Mom! Stop it!” My mom tells her. Tears are rolling down my face, all this yelling is too much for me to handle and I don't want any memories brought back. I'm just starting to feel a little bit better, I don't need her two f*****g cents!  

            “If you're going to criticize him, then you can leave!” She bellowed at my grandmother.

            “I'm sorry,” she whimpers. She quietly weeps to herself as she scurries out of the room. My mom comes over to comfort me. I'm hurt. Why can't she understand that this whole ordeal hurt me more than she imagined. I had no choice I felt like when I tried to commit suicide.

“It’s okay,” she tells me. “I know she can be harsh on you sometimes, but she’s just trying to look out for your best interest.”

            “I know,” I look up at her. I stop crying and start to calm myself down. “She could just try and do it in a less mean manner.”

            “I know, I know. But that is just the way she is. Sometimes,” she pauses. “I wish she wasn't like that all the time because she was like that towards me when I was a teenager too.”

            “Really?” I ask her curiously.

            “Yes, she was,” she takes a deep breath. “I've never told you this before, but I also had problems as a teenager.”

            “Really?” I was really taken back from what she was telling me because I didn't know what this was like before.

            “Mhm, I had struggles around your age as well.”

            “You?”

            “That's right. I was dating this boy when I was sixteen, we had been together for over a year. He decided that it was best we break-up. I didn't want it to happen. But I couldn't control it, he left me. He left me distraught and searching for answers I couldn't find. So, I turned to alcohol for the answers.”

            “You did, why?” I asked surprised.

            “I thought that at that moment the only way to get over my pain was to drink it away. Even though I was under the legal age to drink, I still found my ways. When your grandparents weren't home I would sneak some of their harder alcohol or I would get older friends to buy me some. I would go over to their houses and drink and waste away my sorrows without a care in the world.”

            “So what happened?”
            “I drank too much one night,” she paused and took a breath. “My BAC was near 40 that is the point where you would probably die from too much alcohol in your body.” “I spent three nights in the hospital, all I felt like doing was dying.”

            “I never realized you had problems like that, mom.”

            “I've always wanted to tell you, Kyle, but I knew your depression was coming back, but I never knew it would escalate to this point.”

            “I really should have come to you. I just didn't feel like living or telling anyone, I just wanted it to be over.”

            “I know it was hard honey, I know it’s still hard because none of this is going away, but I hope this gave everyone a wakeup call, and now we now all this is happening so we can help you and the situation,” she tells me sounding hopeful.

            “I hope this does help because I don't want to live if it is going to go back to the way it was.”

            “I know honey,” she chokes a little bit. I know what I just said took her back a little bit. “We will get through this.” She gives me a slight hug on the arm, I'm still afraid of people touching me, even my own mother with touching my arm.

            My doctor and my nurse comes in around eleven to once again check on me and make sure everything is okay before I am released in an hour. By this time, my dad and my brother are here waiting for me to be released. I am glad they are here.

            “Hi Kyle.” Dr. Kanes greets me.

            “Hi,” I try to smile.

            “After a long fought battle son, this is the day, you're going to be released.” He tells me. I smile.

            “I'm glad.”

            “That's is good to hear. Now, I want to discuss your at-home treatments.” Lovely, I thought to myself. “Make sure you take your medication around the same time every day, I would also like you to keep away from social media for a while and your phone in general because that a big part of how this happened in the first place. You still need to rest for a while as well because you did lose a significant amount of blood, so you may feel weak for the first couple of days at home,” he keeps talking. “Any questions?' He asks me.

            “No sir, thank you. Thanks for everything you and your team has done for me.”  I tell him sincerely.

            “It’s not a problem Kyle.” He smiles. “Take care son.” He starts to walk out, but also wants to talk to my parents and brother. He calls them out of the room to talk to them, it must be something important. Probably about me.

            “So I wanted to over some basic ground rules for you guys to follow with Kyle.” He starts to tell them. “He is not allowed whatsoever to touch sharp objects in under any condition because he may want to relapse and cut himself again. Secondly, keep him off social media as much as possible for the first few weeks. Finally, keep him on track with his medication. It will be easier for him, you guys, and his psychologist to keep him on track as well. You all need to do your part to keep him in line.” He tells my family.

            “Okay, we will do everything we can to keep him safe and back on track,” my dad tells him.

            “Good,” he smiles. “Well, it was nice meeting you all, and I hope to see Kyle improving soon, he will have a nurse come to your house twice a week to check on him and the house, to make sure it is safe for Kyle.” He starts to walk away. “Oh, before I leave, if Kyle attempts to commit suicide again or any risky behavior. Call me. So we can put him in the health clinic. Remember, and keep reminding him this too. If he does mess up, he will end up in the clinic,” he tells them all.

            “We will keep a close eye on him, Doc.,” Brad tells him.

            “Great, I will be back in about forty-five minutes with the release paper for him and one of you two to sign for his release.” He smiles and walks away.

            My parents walk back into the room. I was curious of what the doctor told them. “Well, it looks like you're going to be released in about an hour,” my mom told me.

            “Did he tell you anything else?” I ask her because I was really curious about what was said.

            “Basically the doctor gave us some ground rules about how your home care is going to go,” Brad tells me.

            “Which is...?”

            “Keep reminding you that if you mess up, you are going to go into the health clinic, which I know you don't want to. To keep you away from sharp objects, keep you off social media, ooo, there is one more thing he said,” my dad trails off.

            “And to keep you on your medication and we will work with you along with your psychologist,” my mom finishes for my dad.

            “Wait a min-,” my voice trails off. Who ever said about a psychologist for me?         “What is it,” Brad asks.

            “When was the psychologist thing brought up?”

            “Well,” he has to think about it for a second. He sighs. “Kyle, you need help. None of us knew what kind of condition you were in until you tried to commit suicide. So, our help is only limited on what we can do for you. We are not doctors, and we can't understand you. You need to find someone who is an expert on going underneath the surface.”

            “Oh.” My face droops down. I didn't know he was going to put it that bluntly. I wait a couple seconds. My parents and Brad are looking at each other and me. When all of the sudden, what Brad says strikes me, hard. I never realized how easily I can become depressed. I go from upbeat and wanting to get out of here to depressed and wanting to die again. My eyes aren't clear anymore. I don't want anyone to notice so I act like nothing is bothering me.

            “You understand?” Brad asks. Whoa, I snapped. It felt like I was daydreaming before Brad snapped me out of it. It was like I had no control of my thoughts. Maybe that's how it was when I was under my depression spells. I had no control of what I was doing. 

            “You okay?” Brad waves his hand in front of my face.

            “Yeah, I'm okay.”

            “You sure.”

            “Yeah,” I gave him an encouraged nod.

            To kill about thirty minutes, my family decided to fill me in all the things that have been going on for the past month and a half that I've been in the hospital. I learned that everyone in my school did a tribute in my name the night after the night I was going in and out of cardiac arrest. My parents told me that one of their friends, who lived in the town decided to record part of the tribute. I teamed up many times watching the five minute piece. There were a lot of people who were praying and crying. I felt honored, it showed that people did care about me. But at that point, I really didn't care who cared for me, and still wanted me here on this planet. I know I sound selfish, but my mental state was too damaged to care.

            They also told me that Jamie led the tribute in its opening prayer. I know Jamie isn't a religious person, so I know for a fact, this is something that meant something special to him. I know I'm one of the most important people in his life. Man, I miss him so much. Jamie hasn't been up here since I woke from coma, which is weird, I expected him to be up here in a heartbeat.   

            Twenty minutes later, one of my nurses come in and have my parents sign a piece of paper to have me released out of the hospital. She also gives me a paper with at-home care directions. She shakes my hand lightly and wishes me good luck. I'm unhooked from all my IV's, heart rate monitor, and wires. It feels so good not to be hooked up to all these machines anymore. My parents had brought me some clothes. I got changed in the bathroom in my hospital room. It felt nice to be in street clothes. I almost forgot what it felt like to wear them. That is how long it felt like I was in the hospital for. I exited the bathroom and my parents, Brad and I all walked out of the room that I have been kept in ever since my surgery to repair my artery. I walked my past the nurses station where I became close with many of them. They all said their goodbyes and I got into an elevator down to the parking garage where my dad's car was parked. I got into the backseat behind my dad who was driving. As we exited the hospitals parking lot, I took a deep breath. Brad rubbed my shoulder. I was entering the world again, the world that shattered everything I loved, and made me do what got into the hospital in the first place. I had to be ready.

            “It’s the start of a new chapter in your life, bud. It will get better, and it could be worse.” Brad went on about silly things that could be worse, it made me laugh a little"the first time in a long time. 

Reviews

[Maya Jane]

Kyle's mom was depressed as a teenager as well? That's interesting to hear about. Excuse my french but Kyle's grandmother is a b***h. Just a b***h. I usually don't swear in my reviews but she's a b***h.

[John Duprey]

I totally agree with you!

[Maya Jane]

I don't like her.

[Linds]

Wow... I had no idea Kyle's mom was like that.

[Stacey]

wow what a great book. I enjoyed reading it. I actually have problems with depressin myself, but not that extreme. I don't do self harm or anything like that, just a lot of crying, so I can relate to him in a way. I really enjoyed reading. You painted a very vivid picture, and described his emotions very well. Well done.

Stacey

[John Duprey]

It's not done yet. You're not even 1/3 away through yet. There is so much more to go! :) I still need to post Chapters 13-24 and currently I'm working on Chapter 31.

[Stacey]

Well it's a great book so far. :) I will continue reading for sure. You know, it would be cool to see Kyle and Jamie dating. Then they work through things as a team. Maybe something sexual? LOL. Well maybe not til much later, but I think they should start dating. They seem so into each other. :)

[John Duprey]

Once I come home from work tonight, I will post much more. You;ll have to see what happens. :) Just keep this in mind. Expect the unexpected.

[Stacey]

Smiles, I like the unexpected. Going to get caught up smiles.