N&M: Chapter Four

N&M: Chapter Four

A Chapter by .quan.011.

Chapter Four

Lights, Fights, and Wolf Bites

 

            Just like that I found the truth about everything; Jack Stevens was not my father. The family that rejected me had good reason to. I didn’t belong in this house. Hell, I didn’t belong in this family. My mind raced through every thought. My heart beat like drum. I rushed down the hallway at a fast pace. I didn’t slow down even as Mom called out to me. It was weird I couldn’t hear anything. I could think about was lies they told, rejects I kept getting from the family, and how many hoops I had jump through. All for nothing!

            I rushed down the stairs. The front door was straight ahead along with my freedom from this stupid house. Then Anna emerged from the dining room.

            “Hey them that we are ready,” she said, but I didn’t stop moving, “Where are you going?”

            I got to the door, opened, and slammed it behind me. Outside, the sky was now grey as the roar of thunder in the air and the raindrops started coming down. I love it when it rain. The smell of the fresh air usually calms me down, but not now. I was too angry. I continued walking the neighborhood even as lightning flashed lightening up the area. With every step, my anger only grew. I really didn’t understand people and I don’t like lairs. There some rightful mess up when the lairs are your parents. I walked through the street aimlessly, and thinking about everything.

            Until, I realized I was no longer in the quiet suburban neighborhood, but I didn’t know where. I looked around and all I could see was rundown stores locked down like a bank. People walked by and looked at me like I didn’t belong here. I kept moving not wanting to stay in this place too long. As I walked I felt like someone was watching me. The light slowly began fading away and feeling just got worse. I didn’t want to look around like a tourist. I need to blend in.

            Then I accidentally bumped into a man who was just standing there.

            “Excuse me.” I said politely as the man turned around. He was a tall muscular guy with a bald and tattoos going down his arms. Next to him at both sides were two rather huge men, but they were a little shorter than the bald man.

            The bald man said “No problem, man.” He smiled at me with crooked grin. I immediately didn’t trust him. “You looked lost. Are you lost, man?”

            I didn’t know why he was being so nice to me. I still didn’t trust him. I just had a bad feeling about him. I would rather go on my way. I started walking past him.

            “No, I’m not lost.” I lied. Of course I was lost I had no idea where I was or where I was going. It didn’t mean he had to know. Then his two friends jumped in front of me blocking my way. I could tell this was going to become a problem.  I don’t understand many things about people, but I didn’t recognized when someone looking for a fight. I tried to quickly think of a peaceful solution. I could think of one.

            I asked him “What do you want?” He smiled at me again.

            “I just want to talk to the son of the great Jack Stevens.” He said balling his fist. “Your dad is famous around here sent a couple of my friends to prison. Maybe if we hang up by your shoe strings. Your father will learn his place is.”

            Now it all made sense, it was all about Jack. These thugs planned on killing me just prove a point to him. I didn’t like this plan, but I had my way out.

            “I’m sorry, but I’m not his son.” I tried again to get away this I pushed his two lackeys out of my way. The bald man however took their place jumping in my way. It seemed that he didn’t even care.

            “So that hot mama of yours couldn’t keep her legs shut.” He said laughing. His two lackeys joined him.

            I can tolerate many things, but the one thing I can’t take is someone insulting my mom. This son of b***h just called her a w***e. Yeah, I was going to kick his a*s. He continued laughing until I rammed his head into his mouth. He coughed out some blood and teeth as he fell to the cold wet ground.

            “Kick his head in.”

            His two lackeys got ready to attack me. They started charging at me like a couple of stampeding bulls. I dived out of the way, hitting the ground, and rolling back on my feet. They came at me again. This time one of them actually threw a punch. I ducked underneath his arm and then punched him in the stomach. He clutched his gut as collapsing to his knees.

             The other guy looked at him and then at me. He screamed as he rushed me. He swung at me, but his fist never touched me. I moved out of his way with every swing. It was weird as hell.

            His movements were so slow. I didn’t have to move much to dodge his punches. He started tired as he got even slower. He was breathing so hard. Then I heard a clicking sound coming from behind. I turned around to see bald man pointing a pistol at me. It was nowhere I could dodge a bullet. He smiled as his index finger was about to pulled the trigger. Only to have his wrist grabbed by someone behind him. His gun was shoved up into the air. The gun went off making a loud bang.

            “Darius?” He didn’t look at me as he held the bald man with a strong grip. For once the bald man actually looked scared as he turned around to see Darius.

            Darius said “You must have lost your mind. You know that from 12th Street to Stewart Avenue is my territory. You and punk a*s friends aren’t allowed to step a foot around here.”          

            “F**k you kid! Your days are numbers when Pauli finds what you done here. He’ll kill you, best believe that.”

            Darius laughed “Pauli won’t do s**t. We both know Pauli is scare of me, but you can tell him that I will be paying him a visit real soon.” Then he released the man, but not before he took the gun so easily. It was like he took it from a child. “Now go!”

             The bald man ran away with his two cohorts not far behind him. Darius walked over to a sewage drain and dropped the gun into it. Then he turned to me looking surprisingly.

            “You can handle yourself well in a fight” he said. He actually sounded impressed. I had to admit I was surprised of my fighting ability. I had never actually got into a fist fight before. I was never much of fighter. I tried to avoid it if possible even thought I had received some training from Jack. This was the first time I actually put them in use.

            “So what are you doing here?”

            I smiled “I should be asking you the same thing.” I was happy to see a somewhat friendly face.

            “I live in this neighborhood.”

            I said “Oh” I didn’t mean to sound so rude. Usually most students live on campus. I only knew a handful of them that lived off-campus. They lived in expensive houses in good neighborhood like my parents’. “And this is your territory?”

            “Yes, I protect this neighborhood from criminals” he said gallantly. Then he looked around as if someone was watching us. “Let’s go to some place more private."

            I said “Lead the way.” I followed him through the dark street.

            We walked side to side in completely silent as rain continued coming down. No one looked at me now. I was no longer a stranger anymore. Instead they all smiled and looked at us pleasantly. Everyone said hello to Darius and waved at him. He simply waved back or gave people a simple nod. Darius might not be popular at our school. Everyone seemed to love him around that part of town.

            After a few more minutes of walking, we stopped in front of a two story building. It had a sign between the first and second floor that read: Sam’s Bar. It was in neon red lights. By the door, a big man was standing.

            “You live here?”

            He said “Yeah,” As we walked to the doorman. “Don’t worry, Mac. He’s with me.”

            “Okay, having a little study group.” Mac said jokingly. Then he let us through the front door.

            The sound of the pulsing music filled the air. I realized that this wasn’t just a bar, but a nightclub. I wondered what kind of person would live above a club. W continued through the hallway that us into main room. It was the dance floor. There were young people everywhere dancing. The girls looked very attractive with their short skirts, cleavage showing shirts, and high heels shoes.

            “Wow!” escaped my lips as I watched them dance.

            Darius yelled “What you never been to a club before?” I shook my head. ‘Well here some advice don’t go into the bathroom.”

            This place was unbelievably loud and people kept bumping to us. Darius didn’t seem to mind much as I continued to follow him. I found it hard to think let alone trying to hold a conversation. I guessed that was the point.

            “So tell me what bring you around here?” he asked as we got to the bar. There were some ladies sitting next to us. They kept eyeing us.

            I replied “I kind of ran away from home.” I looked at the girls and smiled. Maybe running away wasn’t such a bad idea.

            “Why? From what I heard you have a pretty sweet life.” He said signaling the bartender to bring us two bottles. I kind of wanted to remember him that we were both under age. A part of me didn’t care. I understood that alcohol numb the pain somewhat. That was something I needed. Bartender was young woman maybe three years older than us. She had a model figure with long black hair and blue eyes. She returned with two bottles of strawberry milk.

            “You know I only keep this in stock, because you like it.”

            He replied “Thank you some much, Alexis. Alexis, this is Alan the kid who running away. Alan, this is Alexis the owner of this fine place and my landlord.” He opened up the bottle and started drinking the milk.

            She smiled “Well a landlord would want to get paid for her apartment.” She looked at him and he stopped drinking.

            Darius said “I pay you with my services.” Then we heard a noise coming from other side of the room. “Best get to work.”

            He rushed through the crowd toward the commotion. I started drinking the milk when I noticed something missing. It only took me two seconds to realize what was. My grandma’s watch was missing. She gave me for my sixteenth birthday. It belonged to her father, my great grandfather. Yes, I knew she wasn’t really my grandmother, but still had some meaning. Everyone wanted it, but she gave it to me. It was the only thing I have left her. I started walking away. I had to find that watch.

            “What is it?” Alexis called out to me. I didn’t have time to explain.

             I started thinking where could that watch be. I started checking pockets and everything. I had everything expect for my watch. I walked out of the club and started back tracking through the dark streets. I kept looking everywhere; trash cans, ground, and anywhere it might be. I hope that it just simply fell off and no one had noticed. That was a fool’s hope. It was old and worth a lot of money. Minutes passed and I started thinking maybe one of those guys who I beat up took it.

            I was going to kill them. I need to find them first. Pauli, where could I find this Pauli guy? I started thinking every place a lowly thug would go. I didn’t know this part of the city that well. I thought about going back to club and ask for Darius for help. He was working now. I didn’t want bug him. Now I wondered what I should do even if I wanted to go home. It was practically a family heirloom. I couldn’t return not with that watch. I walked through the street looking for any signs of the thugs.          

            Yeah, I knew it was terrible idea walking the street at night. Then I started getting a weird feeling. It was like pulse in the back of my head. It felt like I need an Advil or something. I expected it passed, but it didn’t. Even worse I felt surprisingly driven to find the source of this evil feeling. I marched through the dark street now with a purpose. A purpose I didn’t quite understand.

            I continued walking until I stopped in front of an old abandon warehouse. There was only an iron fence separated me from the building. I climbed over it and began heading to it. The feeling only worse as the closer I got. It wasn’t fear, but something else silently screaming for me to find it. I had no choice, but to listen to it. I walked to the door and tried to open the door. It wouldn’t budge. There was something was blocking it. I pushed harder and the door slowing opened. I saw something that I wish till this day I could unseen.

            Bodies were everywhere like a slaughterhouse. They were ripped apart and threw around the large room. Other than that building was surprisingly clean. There was no blood or blood stains. Body parts were lying around floor, but no blood. Not on the walls, floor, or even of the stuff lying around. I quickly pulled out my phone ready to call the police. Then I heard something move.

            There was a growl in the darkness.  I knew I wasn’t always alone. I began searching around the room. Then something dived at me, but I instantly rolled out of the way missing its claws. I turned to the thing that murdered all those people. Once again, I was amazed at what I saw.

            “Holy s**t.” That was the best words I could think of describing this thing. It was a wolf the size of a bull standing before me with blood covered fangs showing. It’s fur with grayish black.

            Somehow I wasn’t afraid. My legs were shaking, but it wasn’t from fear. It was anticipation. For some strange reason, I wanted to fight this thing. My whole body screamed out killing this wolf. We encircled each other waiting to see who would make the first move. I thought about how exactly I was going to kill this thing.

            It made the first move lunging at me. I tried to dive out of the way again, but it was too quick. I watched helplessly as it sunk it’s fangs into my arm. I was expected to feel pain and have my blood dripping from my arm. Instead I felt no pain even as its fang dug into my arm. I looked the wolf’s blood red eyes. It looked more confused than I did. Then I punched the creature in the nose. It went flying into the air.

            I looked at my arm, it wasn’t even a scratch. The giant wolf’s fangs didn’t even pierce the jacket. This jacket was amazing.  I expected the wolf was thinking as it paced back and forth. Its eyes were looking at me waiting for my move. I charged it and was ready to throw a punch. It was ready for me as it tried to hit me with its claws. I surprisingly leap over it and hit it right on top of the head. I never jumped that high in my life. It wasn’t too happy about it as it hit me with its right claw.

            This time I felt pain as it went through my shirt onto my bare chest. I fell back onto the ground. It rushed toward with me its mouth opened ready to sweep me up into its jaws. I tried to move out of the way. Once again the wolf was too fast, grabbed me up, and started slamming me into the floor.

            The jacket didn’t protect me from the blows as the wolf repeatedly slammed me.. Then it tossed me into the air. I crashed into the wall and fell to the floor. My whole body ached. I didn’t know how long I could keep this up. I need to get on the offensive. I watched as the wolf started slowly moving toward me. I guessed it though I was already dead and it just needed to finish me off. I was ready to give me the final killing blow.

            I wasn’t ready to die, but I kept my courage. Once again I felt no fear as I stared at the wolf in the eye. Then something else caught my eye. I saw a loose pipe laying on the ground next to me. I grabbed it as the wolf rushed toward me. When it got closer enough, I hit the creature right in the left eye. It yelped in pain as it stumbled away. This gave me an opening.

            I rushed to the giant wolf and stabbed it in same eye. Blood came gusting out of its left eye as I impaled deep inside creature. It screamed in pain even more, but it sounded different. It screamed more like a human. It pushed me out of its way and ran away. It leaped out of the window. I crashed into a plasma television. I wanted to get up from the wreckage, but my body finally gave out. I was in so much pain as I couldn’t even move. I was completely numb.

            I looked around trying to find something to help me up. Instead I found a severed hand and on its wrist was my watch. I couldn’t even reach for it. The darkness started to engulf my world. I didn’t want to die. I knew this was going to be the end. I started to stare out of the window. A falling star darted through the dark sky. Then that was the last thing I remembered seeing before I blacked out.



© 2011 .quan.011.


Author's Note

.quan.011.
Please tell everything that is wrong with this chapter. I thinking about publishing this.

My Review

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Featured Review

Ok so I will start by saying this is another great chapter to the book. I like the action and the darkness in the chapter. I'm not one for descrptions of scenry and every little detail. Too much detail makes the story drag and is often unnecessary. For me you give just enough descprtion but be prepared for those who like every detail laid out for them. So with that being said I will point out somethings that were wrong, though there were numerous tiny errors and most of them the same type of error I felt no need to point out every single one. Here we go:

"I could think about was lies they told, rejects I kept getting from the family, and how many hoops I had jump through"- This should read different, probably something like "All I could think about were the lies they told. The rejections that I always got from the family, and the hoops I had to jump through". Like I always say is that these are just suggestions to improve.

"“Hey them that we are ready,” she said,"- This is one sentence that I couldn't figure out what you were trying to say. You should go back and edit this.

"I got to the door, opened, and slammed it behind me."- It should read "I reached the door" it makes it read more professional and correctly.

"Outside, the sky was now grey as the roar of thunder in the air and the raindrops started coming down"-here you should get rid of the word "now" because it is unnecessary for the sentence.

"I love it when it rain"- you can either say “I loved it when it rained” or “I love when it rains” or “I love it when it rains” try not to confuse the tenses

"The smell of the fresh air usually calms me down, but not now “-another confusion with the tenses should read something like “the smell of fresh air usually calmed me down, but not now”

"even as lightning flashed lightening up the area."- It should read something like "even as lighting lit up the area” try and use few words to describe what is going on. Sometimes using too many words confuses the reader and takes away from the story.

“I really didn’t understand people and I don’t like lairs”- this should read “I really don’t understand people and I don’t like liars”
“There some rightful mess up when the lairs are your parents.”-Though I know what you are trying to say with this sentence it is not only grammatically wrong but also confusing to the reader. You audience would not be entirely sure of what you are trying to say with this sentence. It might be better to word it something like “There was something rightfully (might want to choose a different word that would read better in the sentence) messed up when the ones you lie to you are your parents”
Often times you use too many ands (it is a problem I suffer from as well) in a sentence and story. It takes away from what you are trying to say. This of different ways to phrase or word the sentences to cut back on the use of the word “and”
“Until, I realized I was no longer in the quiet suburban neighborhood, but I didn’t know where”-Get rid of the ‘but I didn’t know where’ it’s not important nor does it add anything to the sentence
“I need to blend in”- should say I needed to blend in” or “I had to blend in”
“Bodies were everywhere like a slaughterhouse. They were ripped apart and threw around the large room. Other than that building was surprisingly clean. There was no blood or blood stains. Body parts were lying around floor, but no blood. Not on the walls, floor, or even of the stuff lying around.”- This paragraph is repetitive and some of it could stand to be deleted.”

These are just some of the errors I found. These are the same errors from the previous chapters. Like I have said with another read through and edit. Maybe reading it out loud you can get rid of more than half these problems. This is something you should do before you post the chapters. The errors are become redundant and annoying, especially since they are easily fixed.

With that being said this is still a very good chapter. Just work on it a little more to make it a great chapters....good luck

Posted 10 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Very gripping right to the end of the chapter. Nicely done. Now I want find out more about this kid and what's. On the next page. All I will say just a few mistakes here and there. Moving on.

Posted 9 Years Ago


I hope you do get this book published because I want a copy of this book it is an awsome book I can't wait so see what happends next

Posted 9 Years Ago


Ok so I will start by saying this is another great chapter to the book. I like the action and the darkness in the chapter. I'm not one for descrptions of scenry and every little detail. Too much detail makes the story drag and is often unnecessary. For me you give just enough descprtion but be prepared for those who like every detail laid out for them. So with that being said I will point out somethings that were wrong, though there were numerous tiny errors and most of them the same type of error I felt no need to point out every single one. Here we go:

"I could think about was lies they told, rejects I kept getting from the family, and how many hoops I had jump through"- This should read different, probably something like "All I could think about were the lies they told. The rejections that I always got from the family, and the hoops I had to jump through". Like I always say is that these are just suggestions to improve.

"“Hey them that we are ready,” she said,"- This is one sentence that I couldn't figure out what you were trying to say. You should go back and edit this.

"I got to the door, opened, and slammed it behind me."- It should read "I reached the door" it makes it read more professional and correctly.

"Outside, the sky was now grey as the roar of thunder in the air and the raindrops started coming down"-here you should get rid of the word "now" because it is unnecessary for the sentence.

"I love it when it rain"- you can either say “I loved it when it rained” or “I love when it rains” or “I love it when it rains” try not to confuse the tenses

"The smell of the fresh air usually calms me down, but not now “-another confusion with the tenses should read something like “the smell of fresh air usually calmed me down, but not now”

"even as lightning flashed lightening up the area."- It should read something like "even as lighting lit up the area” try and use few words to describe what is going on. Sometimes using too many words confuses the reader and takes away from the story.

“I really didn’t understand people and I don’t like lairs”- this should read “I really don’t understand people and I don’t like liars”
“There some rightful mess up when the lairs are your parents.”-Though I know what you are trying to say with this sentence it is not only grammatically wrong but also confusing to the reader. You audience would not be entirely sure of what you are trying to say with this sentence. It might be better to word it something like “There was something rightfully (might want to choose a different word that would read better in the sentence) messed up when the ones you lie to you are your parents”
Often times you use too many ands (it is a problem I suffer from as well) in a sentence and story. It takes away from what you are trying to say. This of different ways to phrase or word the sentences to cut back on the use of the word “and”
“Until, I realized I was no longer in the quiet suburban neighborhood, but I didn’t know where”-Get rid of the ‘but I didn’t know where’ it’s not important nor does it add anything to the sentence
“I need to blend in”- should say I needed to blend in” or “I had to blend in”
“Bodies were everywhere like a slaughterhouse. They were ripped apart and threw around the large room. Other than that building was surprisingly clean. There was no blood or blood stains. Body parts were lying around floor, but no blood. Not on the walls, floor, or even of the stuff lying around.”- This paragraph is repetitive and some of it could stand to be deleted.”

These are just some of the errors I found. These are the same errors from the previous chapters. Like I have said with another read through and edit. Maybe reading it out loud you can get rid of more than half these problems. This is something you should do before you post the chapters. The errors are become redundant and annoying, especially since they are easily fixed.

With that being said this is still a very good chapter. Just work on it a little more to make it a great chapters....good luck

Posted 10 Years Ago


2 of 2 people found this review constructive.

Strength and great imagery through out, perfect read.

Posted 10 Years Ago


i didnt find anything wrong with it.. grammar or whatever isnt my thing. in my opinion this is very well written and has me hooked! i'll def. be checking the prev. chapters and look forward to reading more (:

Posted 10 Years Ago


I think you did excellent. Maybe just extend it just a little more? Suspenseful, mysterious, and awesomely awesome! I don't have much time to tell you what is wrong, but just check up on spelling and consistency.
Again, VERY good!!

Posted 10 Years Ago



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Added on May 22, 2011
Last Updated on May 29, 2011
Tags: High School, Demigods, Monsters, Romance


Author

.quan.011.
.quan.011.

Newark, DE



About
Hello my name is Quan and I'm new here. I write a complete of stories that I will update. I don't do any peoms, because I'm not good at them. Thanks for reading and review my work. My Novel .. more..

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