INTO THE SEA

INTO THE SEA

A Chapter by Margaux (Dhaye)
"

Same old story...

"


I won't forget the day you said
That you will love me forever
And with that glow on my finger
I entrusted to you my life
My past
My present
My future
All of me
Is yours.

I don't know why you left me
Sailing alone
You turned your back
While I'm here
Waiting for your help.

You waved your hand
Like boasting
The absence of your ring
While curving a confident grin
From that face I longed to touch
But slowly fading from my eyes.

Into the sea
You left me
Drowning
From the misery
Of your retreat
But, no!
I have to struggle
To swim
And live for you
Because I still hope
That one day
You'll come back
To rescue me.




© 2014 Margaux (Dhaye)


Author's Note

Margaux  (Dhaye)

My Review

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Featured Review

The ability to provoke an emotional response from the readers is one of the qualities that make up a strong poem. And that ability or power is possessed by this poem of yours. I felt the need to sympathize to the poetic persona.

The first stanza tells of a promise made by the poetic persona and the addressee to each other during their marriage. "And with that glow in my finger" is the line that gives the clue about their legal union. Marriage, as a special contract between couples, is meant to bind their tie for all eternity. That's the reason why the poetic persona decided to give her all to her husband.

The next stanza reveals that her beloved left her for reasons that she doesn't know. Or perhaps she knows the reasons but she just can't accept them yet. Probably it is true that sometimes, we say we don't know the reasons why some terrible things happen to us even if we really know why they happen. Maybe it is just a matter of acceptance.

Further in the third stanza, she reveals that her beloved already decided to break away from his bond with her. The third and fourth lines of the stanza ("The absence of your ring/While curving a confident grin) suggest a marital break-up initiated by the speaker's husband. The removal of the ring from his finger and the grin show how he willfully broke the relationship.

Hopeful as she is despite the heart-breaking circumstances, the poetic persona is revealed in the last stanza as a woman of strength. However, her strength is accompanied by much hope that may either rescue her from misery or tear her apart.

I'm thinking that the poetic persona is married to a seaman. Hmmm. Does the poem tell the story of the author? Such an interesting question.

Anyway, I wish to suggest this very little change which I believe will make the first stanza of the poem sound better:
I think the line "I entrusted my life to you" will jive better with the following lines if is it changed to "I entrusted to you my life".

Dhaye, what a nice poem you have again this time.

Posted 6 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Sir Joe

6 Years Ago

Ahhh. I didn't know that was intended to be a joke. I'm sorry. I didn't change my mood. I was just s.. read more
Margaux  (Dhaye)

6 Years Ago

I didn't and I won't mean to offend because I'm trying now to be in good mood always. I want others .. read more
Sir Joe

6 Years Ago

Have a great day, Dhaye.



Reviews

Very sad tune, makes me want to sigh heavily. Yes, same old story, but it happens to so many, can intrinsically relate to your emotions here Dhaye.

Did you mean glow 'on' my finger'?

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Margaux  (Dhaye)

6 Years Ago

Thanks for the visit, Frieda. Oh, another thank you for that keen eyes. LOL. I'll change it.
Frieda P

6 Years Ago

Welcome, I know sometimes you look at your poem and don't catch it since you know how it's supposed .. read more
The lesson of love. Last wish is always hope. I like the journey into and out of love in the poem. The sea allowed us to understand. We can sink or swim. I like the positive ending to the excellent poetry.
Coyote

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Margaux  (Dhaye)

6 Years Ago

Thanks a lot, CP.
The ability to provoke an emotional response from the readers is one of the qualities that make up a strong poem. And that ability or power is possessed by this poem of yours. I felt the need to sympathize to the poetic persona.

The first stanza tells of a promise made by the poetic persona and the addressee to each other during their marriage. "And with that glow in my finger" is the line that gives the clue about their legal union. Marriage, as a special contract between couples, is meant to bind their tie for all eternity. That's the reason why the poetic persona decided to give her all to her husband.

The next stanza reveals that her beloved left her for reasons that she doesn't know. Or perhaps she knows the reasons but she just can't accept them yet. Probably it is true that sometimes, we say we don't know the reasons why some terrible things happen to us even if we really know why they happen. Maybe it is just a matter of acceptance.

Further in the third stanza, she reveals that her beloved already decided to break away from his bond with her. The third and fourth lines of the stanza ("The absence of your ring/While curving a confident grin) suggest a marital break-up initiated by the speaker's husband. The removal of the ring from his finger and the grin show how he willfully broke the relationship.

Hopeful as she is despite the heart-breaking circumstances, the poetic persona is revealed in the last stanza as a woman of strength. However, her strength is accompanied by much hope that may either rescue her from misery or tear her apart.

I'm thinking that the poetic persona is married to a seaman. Hmmm. Does the poem tell the story of the author? Such an interesting question.

Anyway, I wish to suggest this very little change which I believe will make the first stanza of the poem sound better:
I think the line "I entrusted my life to you" will jive better with the following lines if is it changed to "I entrusted to you my life".

Dhaye, what a nice poem you have again this time.

Posted 6 Years Ago


3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

Sir Joe

6 Years Ago

Ahhh. I didn't know that was intended to be a joke. I'm sorry. I didn't change my mood. I was just s.. read more
Margaux  (Dhaye)

6 Years Ago

I didn't and I won't mean to offend because I'm trying now to be in good mood always. I want others .. read more
Sir Joe

6 Years Ago

Have a great day, Dhaye.
WOW beautiful; once again!!!!!!!!!! it always feel like your at sea, the tears make a sea out of things. all alone surround by water. swimming is not easy these torrential rain can drown us if we don't to survive.

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Margaux  (Dhaye)

6 Years Ago

Thanks for stopping by.

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Added on February 15, 2014
Last Updated on April 19, 2014
Tags: parting, end, away, waiting, broken, promise

COMPLICATED (Life's Twists and Turns)


Author

Margaux  (Dhaye)
Margaux (Dhaye)

Philippines



About
Hello! I am Dhaye, a public secondary school teacher, a passionate artist "married" to her dream. I write in different perspectives. So please know NOT all my works are about me. .. more..

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