Chapter Twenty-two

Chapter 22

“What’s wrong?” Piper asked running in.

“The spell won’t work she can’t get her mom.” Cole whispered gently rubbing my back.

“I’ll try Lily.” Piper promised.

“No if she wanted me she wouldn’t have died.” I shook my head and ran out of the room. I’d never spoken my true feelings of her death but I was just so upset that once again we’d had the chance to talk and she’d turned it down or I’d messed up. After all it was my fault she’d died in the first place if I hadn’t been such a scared little girl she wouldn’t have had to come to the castle to pick me up from the slumber party with the princess and then she wouldn’t have been killed. I always messed up everything. It was always my fault I killed her and I hadn’t been able to make even a spell work well enough to talk to her when I was the most powerful vampire in the history of the world.

“Go away.” I moaned feeling the blink.

“No you’re in pain.” He shook his head.

“I don’t want to mess up us too.”

“Piper tried to talk to your mom.”

“I told her not too.” I turned away from him walking away from his arms not deserving the comfort but he just blinked and suddenly I was surrounded in them on the bed anyway. He’d used his only powers that I’d never have, to get me to have to let him comfort me. I’d only not have them because I wasn’t part demon or even warlock.

“She couldn’t talk to her.”

“Because I messed up the whole spell,” I moaned.

“We both know that’s not true.”

“Then tell me the truth since all I can tell is lies now.” I snapped.

“Lily-be…” he whispered softly; tracing my face gently with his hand.

“No.” I shook my head starting to put on my hard shell I kept around me about my parents I hadn’t ever grieved about them and now after so long it was way too late to do it now.

“You need to let yourself hurt.”

“I’m not hurting.” I said my hard shell perfectly back in place.

“Yes you are.”

“Do I look like I’m hurting?”

“The little girl that had lost her mommy and that’s daddy had abused her looked like she was hurting a lot. The one that you haven’t let mourn at all the one that had to protect her sister that you blamed for killing your mom and that your dad blamed for it too and then the one that had to become a mistress at thirteen that one looked like she was hurting a lot.”

“That one doesn’t exist.” I shook my head having to fight hard to keep the hard shell as I realized that my mind’s shield had come down in my grief.

“Please don’t do this to yourself Lily-be not anymore it’s too long. You’ve been hurting yourself for way too long.”

“It’s too late.” I shook my head.

“No it’s not its better late than never.”

“Then maybe later.”

“Lily-be…”

“Cole…”

“Please.”

“No.”