When the Mud Dries

the salvation game

When the Mud dries

 

“I can’t believe that it’s come to this,” thought Jesse Lee. “I’m gonna die in this shithole, alone, with no one to shed a tear or offer me any comfort when the end comes. I’m scared shitless! Oh s**t! What if God really exists? If He, She, or whatever it is, does, then that means there’s a Heaven and a goddamn Hell as well. If there is, I’m fucked. I’ll be thrown in hell to burn in hellfire or freeze in the Ice Mountains. What a cosmic joke, to be dying in excruciating pain in the middle of nowhere with my guts hanging out only to be plagued with eternal damnation rather than the sweet nothingness of oblivion. What’s a sin infested girl to do? Wait! Wait! That Old Catholic in me recalls God’s ‘Catch 22’. I think I have a way into heaven. I’ll plead for redemption. If He’s as all merciful as they say He is, then He’s got no choice but to forgive me if I’m sincere. Right now with hell facing me for eternity, I’m as f*****g sincere as I’ll ever be.”

 

In a strained and pained voice barely above a whisper, Jesse said, “Oh God, please forgive me for my sins. I’m truly sorry for being a w***e, killer and a mean assed b***h. I’ve led a corrupt life and enjoyed every bit of it, but have now seen the error of my ways. I beg of you, don’t send me to the devil’s house; let me sing along with the angels and lick on your divine mother f*****g toes till the end of time.”

 

The Angel of Death stared into God’s light and said, “Which road do I take her on ‘My Grace’. She’s led a scandalous and debauched life. She’s even said that she enjoyed every bit of it. I see no regret in her soul for a life poorly led and she makes no bones about why she’s asking for redemption. But she is sincere even though her reasoning is self serving. Normally I’d slot her to hell but her plea has some teeth to it. I’m in a quandary and need you to make the final decision on this one.”

 

God’s light flickered for a moment and then IT’s light shone bright. In a melodic and sonorous voice GOD said, “Send her to my house. My toes haven’t been licked in eons.”

 

God’s laughter was heard throughout all the heavens and hells in the Multi-verse.