Wit & Wisdom - February 24th 2014

Wit & Wisdom - February 24th 2014

A Chapter by dw817
"

Proof that girls are inherently evil. (more)

"

  W&W February 24th 2014  

 

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01. PROOF THAT GIRLS ARE INHERENTLY EVIL:


First we state that girls require time and money:
Girls = (Time) x (Money)

And as we all know, "Time is Money"
Time = Money

Therefore:
Girls = (Money) x (Money) = (Money)™

And because "Money is the root of all evil":
Money = Square Root of Evil

Therefore:
Girls = √(Evil)
2

Thus, we are forced to conclude that:
Girls = Evil


02. The road to success is always under construction.


03. Editor: A person employed by a newspaper, whose business it is to separate the wheat from the chaff, and to see that the chaff gets printed.


04. Work harder. Millions on welfare are depending on you.


05. If you smoke in our restaurant, we will assume that you are on fire and take the proper precautions.


06. Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. ―  Mark Twain, "Huckleberry Finn"


07. Warning ! Sex may lead to child support.


08. I am looking forward to regretting this.


09. Mobile phones are the only subject on which men boast about who's got the smallest.


10. EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.


11. An average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm. When it ejaculates, only 10% of that actually makes it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean every time one unloads, and you wonder why the ocean is so salty ...


12. Flush twice, it's a long way to the school cafeteria.


13. I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates.


14. Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.


15. Half the people you know are below average.


16. A conscience is what hurts when the rest of your body feels good.


17. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

18. Don't write on my rainbow. ― A drawn picture and text I saw on my sidewalk a few days ago. I took a picture. [Link]


19. If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.


20. All of you who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.


21. I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.


22. There are no stupid questions. Yes, you have one for me ? Yeah, so what's the speed of dark ?


23. How can you tell when you're out of invisible ink ?


24. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.


25. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.



26. I intend to live forever - so far, so good.


27. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.


28. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.


29. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."


30. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name ?


31. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.


32A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.


33. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


34. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.


35. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.


36. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.


37. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.


38. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.


39. Welcome to the Church of Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.


40. Economics: The science of telling you things you've known all your life, but in a language you can't understand.


41. I am a pitbull on the pants leg of opportunity.


42. Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.


43. Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. ― Douglas Adams


44. They speak of my drinking but they never consider my thirst.


45. History shall be kind to me, for I intend to write it. ― Winston Churchill


46. Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years we would be the smartest race of people on Earth.


47. A critic is like a eunuch, they know how to do it but they can't.


48. Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.


49. Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.


50. 
At my school, the cop from DARE passed around three joints to show everyone.

And then he said, "If i don't get all three of these back this school's getting locked down and everyone will be searched until I find it."

30 minutes later when everyone got to see them and they got passed back, the cop now had a total of four.




Which of these can you relate to ?

See you next time with 50 more ...

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© 2014 dw817


My Review

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Reviews

Aww. I love them all! The items on the list are witty and amusing! I always look forward to reading them, David! Number 47 made me think. ;)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

A good portion of humor is the ones that cause you to think deeply on them. :) Glad you like them, .. read more
"Erotic is using a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken." Well then.... *Whistles and walks away*

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

Hey, return that feather, Noizchild. :)
Noizchild

6 Years Ago

No way, man!
I liked "42. Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics".
and I look forward to the next installment :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

dw817

6 Years Ago

Thanks, Avinash. Looks like this will be a deep installment, I'll definitely write up a new one next.. read more
Number 15 is very true. I know a lot of below average people. LOL!

Posted 6 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

RealistMe

6 Years Ago

Yeah, I understand that it will take time to grow. What's frustrating is that almost everyone I know.. read more
dw817

6 Years Ago

There is a term called, "Wearing your heart on your sleeve." This is very true with websites. In ord.. read more
RealistMe

6 Years Ago

I know there will always be people, who criticize anything and anyone. I'm taking the lack of suppor.. read more

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Wit & Wisdom


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dw817
dw817

Fort Worth, TX



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